you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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