He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
