Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
