Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
