I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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