Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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