Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
