you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
