just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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