i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
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