The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
