so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you didnt know i had herpes?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
