remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
