someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
