I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
