talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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