He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
