I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize