first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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