yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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