sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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