I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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