You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Even my vagina gasped.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
