I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
