i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
