508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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