im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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