Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
