I accidentally burped into my bong.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
