I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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