Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
