i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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