I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
