don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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