I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I smell like Dick and happiness
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
