is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
