South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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