and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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