he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
