my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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