Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
