Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
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I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
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you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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