i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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