You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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