i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
