Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
