I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
