That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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