I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
