I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
