I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
