I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
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It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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