i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
