We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
