OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
People with herpes should wear stickers.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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