so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
