I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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