I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
