my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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