You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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