Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
