Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
