i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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