his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
