I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
