Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
