Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
